Friday, August 29, 2014

My Name is Alanna and I’m Single…


Confession #1: I’m not in need of a support group.

Let me explain. If you’re like me, your initial response to the title of this post would be “Hi, Alanna” spoken like any good support group would. Maybe you’ve been there. Maybe we all just watch too many movies. Support groups are great and serve a much needed purpose. They help with healing, accountability, and dealing with a problem you realize you can’t handle on your own. I’m for them but when it comes to my singleness, I don’t need one.

Again, let me explain. “Single” for me is {usually} simply a descriptor of my current marital state. Hopefully, it is temporary {and then I can change my blog title to “Confessions of a Formerly Single Woman”}. It is not my identity. It is not who I am. I have not always realized this. And some days I forget this. Those days are NOT pretty. I’m a hot mess on those days. I question everything about me. I feel rejection much more deeply {and sometimes imagine it when it doesn’t exist}. I worry. I hurt. I look in the mirror and see only flaws. I attack myself with all of the reasons of why I must be single. I eat anything unhealthy I can get into my mouth. Right about now you may be thinking, “Alanna? Are you sure you don’t need a support group?” That may or may be what I’m thinking right now!

Confession #2: What I do need is Jesus

Here’s what I’ve learned…and why I don’t think I need a support group. Being single isn’t a disease {that means isn’t contagious, in case you’re worried}, a deformity, or something I must get rid of. It doesn’t hinder my life unless I allow it. It simply means I am not married. My identity and who I am as a person run much deeper than whether I am married or single. My identity is based on the person I am because of one relationship alone and that is my relationship with Christ. He is the only man that gives me value. He is the only one that will satisfy my deepest longings. He alone gets to determine what I need to change in my life.

This doesn’t mean I don’t need people or friends. This does mean that with my relationship with Christ come a plethora of blessings, including the people He puts in my path. I need them. I need the joy they bring to my life and the lessons I can learn from them. Regardless of what their status is, when Christ places us together we are meant to live life together and sharpen each other. And, let’s be honest, I need them to know which days to give me chocolate and which days to say “Step away from the chips.”

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