Would You Rather...

Confession: Though I don’t have children of my own, I believe I have a responsibility to be involved in positively influencing the lives of the children God has placed in each season of my life.

In my list of goals for my 38^th year, I said I would use Tuesday nights as girls’ night. So, tonight I did that very thing! I spent the evening enjoying meat pizza, cinnamon sticks, a fun game of questions, and lots of laughs with my dear friends Hannah and Callie. They are such a fun set of sisters! They have great personalities, they are intelligent, they think for themselves, they wore spandex, and they challenged me to adjust my thinking and words. And they are only 8 and 6!

When I arrived to pick them up, they had just finished gymnastics, so they were clad in sparkly spandex outfits and so excited to go that we didn’t even bother changing their clothes! We loaded up and headed to Johnny’s for some delicious pizza and cinnamon sticks. You can see by their expressions that they were big fans of the sweet goodness!

  

I knew we would have some wait time, so to be intentional with the time, I chose to introduce them to one of my favorite games, a self-created game I like to call “Answer Alanna’s Question.” Here’s how it works: one person asks a question and everyone answers it. I have used it in groups, on dates, in one on one situations, and sometimes when people didn’t even know they were playing! {I’m sneaky like that.} First, it’s a great way to get conversation going. Second, you casually learn about others while they also learn about you. Third, it allows you to find commonalities you have with others. Some people have been more willing to play than others, but I have never regretted starting a game!

With my sweet little friends, I used a set of “Would You Rather…” cards I found here and printed. We spread them out on the table and each took turns reading one and answering it. I had them explain their answers which allowed them to explore their  imaginations, think through their answers, and even change their minds if their thought processes caused them to realize their initial answer wasn’t as great as they originally thought. We had a great time!

At one point in the conversation, I was challenged by one of their answers and confronted by my own negative thoughts of myself…as silly as that may sound. The question was “Would you rather all your clothes were black or all your clothes were white?”  Hannah got really excited and immediately knew her answer. She said she would definitely pick black because she could put colorful jewelry or sparkly diamond jewelry and it would look so beautiful! Callie pointed out that when you wear black, if you spill on it no one will know! They were both right…but neither of those were my first response. I immediately thought “Wearing white would make me look paler and fatter than I really am. I’d definitely pick black because it’s more slenderizing.”

As I opened my mouth to say these very words, I immediately sucked them back in and agreed with the girls, taking the discussion to fun jewelry, diamonds, and hidden stains. Though my initial thoughts may not have been completely incorrect, they have no place in my heart…or theirs. There are a couple of reasons for this. First, who I am and what I am capable of has nothing to do with how large I may look or actually be. My value doesn’t come from my body size or shape. Second, if I’m going to influence the children in my life to grow spiritually, emotionally, and relationally, I have no business encouraging them to allow their physical appearance to determine how they feel about themselves. I know you may think I’m being overly dramatic. I don’t. I vividly recall hearing as a young child, “As you grow taller, you’ll thin out.” {I’ve spent most of my life waiting for that growth spurt!} Only recently have I learned to see myself as more than my body and appearance. Only recently have I been able to say with confidence that I am truly fearfully and wonderfully made and I’m ok with myself. In fact, I’m more than ok with myself. I actually LIKE myself. That’s a new one for me. And it’s freeing. And it allows me to wear either black or white with confidence. I pray sweet Hannah and Callie will learn this younger than I did. I also pray that those of us who have influence over little friends will encourage them toward positive and godly real thoughts rather than believing the lies that have sucked so many of us in. Will you join me?

Resolutions = Goals?

Confession: Resolutions stress the perfectionist parts of me out. Oddly enough, goals don’t.

Maybe that confession seems a bit strange. After all, aren’t a resolution and a goal pretty much the same thing? They might be in your world, but not in Alanna world. To me a resolution is too rigid. It’s a pass or fail. You do this thing or you don’t. And if you don’t, you fail. Do you want to know what one of my biggest fears is? Failure. I can’t think of anything that will paralyze me quite like it. Resolutions feed the fear. And then I realized by making a list of resolutions at the beginning of each year, I was feeding the fear and setting myself up for defeat and frustration. So I quit making them and decided to just live each day being me in the best way I can. However, this has not stopped me from setting goals.

At this point you might be scratching your head wondering, even still, what the difference is! Well, here it is. I believe goals allow for adjustment where resolutions are just so, well, resolute, rigid, and commanding. A goal is something I shoot for but can adjust along the way. I believe we all need goals. By setting goals, we are aiming to better ourselves. We are identifying areas of life where we want to grow, learn, or even change. So, as I promised last week, I have set some goals for my 38^th year. These are flexible. If I don’t complete them, I haven’t failed 38^th year. But if I don’t try to complete them, I will stay right where I am, which is not what I want for my life. So here they are, in no particular order!

1. Visit someplace I have never been.
2. Create a “to cook” board on Pinterest of 38 recipes I have never tried but want to. Cook each at least once over the next year.
3. Bake and decorate a wedding cake, even if it’s just for fun. Wedding cake party at my house, anyone?
4. Tackle one improvement project in my house.
5. Set Tuesday nights as a Girls’ Night and be intentional about keeping this on the nights that don’t already have a committed activity {Bunko, Pokeno, and Book Club} by planning something, even if it's as simple as a dinner out.
6. Intentionally build and invest in new relationships.
7. Share my faith with more than one person, using words.
8. Purge the junk in my house and have a garage sale.
9. Save money {maybe beginning with above mentioned garage sale} and purchase a 7 quart Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer. I’ve already got $2.89 saved…and I might drool a little thinking about that beauty of an appliance.
10. Eat something exotic for the first time…maybe sea urchin? Where do you even get that around here?
11. Write. Blog. Regularly. About each of these goals. About life. Be real with it and allow people to see me and connect with me. Even if it means admitting where I fail…even if that scares the pants off of me.

It’s a start. I don’t know what’s next but this is where I begin. What do you want to do? Is there something that you want to learn or explore? Life is too short to resist moving forward because we’re afraid…join me? After all, life is less scary when you’re not alone.

Year 37

Confession: Though I dreaded the day I turned 30, my thirties have been the best years of my life.

I think and ponder. A lot. Maybe too much…I guess that all depends on what I’m thinking about. The last few days I have been pondering September 9, 2014. While this may be just another Tuesday to you, it’s a special day to me. It’s my 38^th birthday. And I love birthdays! I love the idea of the intentional love and plan of God it shows when someone is brought into the world. Because I believe He works all things for his purpose and His timing, I have to believe my birth on September 9, 1976 was not a mistake. It was part of God’s plan from the beginning. In fact, Psalm 139:16 (NLT) says, “You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” 

So as a new year of my life approaches, I have reflected over the last year and it has indeed been a hard one…and a good one. One quality I inherited from my dad is a bent toward list making. So, in honor of the last few hours of my 37^th year, I’d like to share some of the highlights. Some I would relive, some I will opt for the lesson learned instead.

Experiences I’ve Had:

• My parents lived with me, instead of me with them, for the first time. Though it was brief, it was a very sweet time for me.
• I was able to experience Santa Claus from the adult end with my three precious nieces (aka, my Best Girls).
• I planted a garden. And vegetables actually grew in it…and they tasted good!
• I began really honing my baking and decorating skills. It has been a fun journey!
• I made and canned fig preserves.
• At work, we took on a major renovation project. I don’t know that I’ve ever learned so much in a three week period. Or been prouder of something I’ve led and worked on.
• When finances have been tight and there seemed to be more month than money or unexpected expenses, God has showed His faithfulness at just the right moment. Never have I had to go without.
• I tried fresh eggs for the first time. They really are better than the kind you get at the market…at $5 a dozen, they better be!
• I joined a book club. Each woman is so unique and I can’t think of a group I’d rather spend that time with. Even if I don’t always read the books. Oops.
• My mom described me to someone in a way that has penetrated the depths of who I am and I will never forget. “When you cut her open, you will find a heart made of gold.”

Lessons I’ve Learned:

• I have learned that the phrase “easier said than done” is typically true.
• Professionally, I have worked to allow difficult circumstances to thicken my skin rather harden my heart. This has led me to also work on my confrontation and conflict resolution skills.
• I experienced love, connection, passion, loss, and confusion in ways I never have. I daily struggle through the ways it has affected me and have determined to choose to pull the positive from it and fight against the control the emotions of sadness, rejection, and bitterness vie for.
• I would rather follow God and have His gifts than manipulate my life to have my own way.
• My physical appearance isn’t as bad as I think it is. I am who I am and it’s time to own it. Ladies, I even put away those special tight undergarments I used daily for use on special occasions. I might be the only one who has even noticed…maybe it’s because I can actually breathe and move freely.
• Life is better when I own who I am, enjoy what each day holds, and allow other people to get to know me. In case you don’t know, God has wonderfully made me, flaws and all. I have a lot to offer and I’m doing my best to offer it.
• Though my years haven’t turned out as I once hoped they would, God’s plans are far better than anything I could have created.

It’s been a good year. These are just what I consider the highlights! Coming tomorrow: my goals for year 38! Join me on September 9^th, the anniversary of the day God saw fit to place me in this world for such a time as this!