Carrying the Fruitcake Torch

Confession: I might have actually developed a taste for fruitcake...at least for Mrs. Torbert's fruitcake.

As you may have read here, I set some goals for year 38 of my life. One of them is to select 38 recipes on Pinterest to cook between now and September 8, 2015 {the last day of my 38th year}. Like I've previously stated, the great thing about goals is that they are adjustable...and I've already adjusted this one. Slightly. My board has only 37 recipes on it. This is because I decided to include a special recipe that isn't on Pinterest. That recipe is Mrs. Betty Sue Torbert's Fruitcake. Let me tell you, baking fruitcake isn't like just baking any old cake! But it was a great experience and one that I was so excited to tell Mrs. Torbert about! Here's my fun in pictures:

First, she brought the recipe to me. This is how it was delivered:

Maybe you're like me and aren't quite sure what to think about this at first. If I recall correctly, this is an old salt can. Inside of it was more than just a recipe. Mrs. Torbert also sent her pans and antique cloths to use. {I'll tell you about those cloths later.}

 

After familiarizing myself with the recipe, step one was to buy the fruit. A LOT of fruit. One of the things I learned from my friend, Sue Gene (Mrs. Torbert's daughter), is that you have to buy it early because, one, it isn't always available and, two, fruitcake has to be made well in advance! {Another reference to those antique cloths that I'll tell you about later.} This recipe is chock-a-block full of candied fruit and nuts. It includes red and green cherries, pineapple, figs, dates, citron, orange rind, lemon rind, almonds, and pecans...along with a variety of spices.

I haven't had this many dates in a while! {A little single girl humor...}

Most of the fruit came in these little tubs...with a layer of syrupy stuff at the bottom.

I chopped up all of the fruit and nuts and put them in the biggest bowl I have.

 

Unfortunately, the only thing my bowl was big enough to do was hold the fruit. Forget any mixing! So I did used the only thing I had that was bigger...the insert from my electric roaster. I guess if this becomes a tradition I'll have to pick up a big tub somewhere!

I had to flour the fruit then mix the other ingredients that formed the batter. After mixing all of that together, I packed it down into 7 {that's right, SEVEN} loaf pans and baked my fruitcake!

Once the cakes were baked and cooled, I removed them from the pans and prepared them for aging. This is another thing I learned...fruit cake has to age! Though I baked them in early November, they won't be ready until Christmas time...who knew?? This is where those antique cloths, and the tin can, come in. You soak each cloth in grape juice and use them to wrap the fruitcake for the aging process, resoaking the cloths every couple of weeks or so.

After wrapping each cake, they go in the can for storage and aging, which is where they sit now. And where they will continue to sit until Christmas! Can I just tell you I am so excited for Christmas when I can share some with the Torberts and my dad, who just so happens to love some fruitcake!?

I don't know what your feelings about fruitcake are. You might think this is the most ridiculous post you've ever seen. {Some people may not have even made it past the first picture so maybe you should get a prize for reading this far...how does some fruitcake sound?} For me, there was something really fulfilling about baking Mrs. Torbert's fruitcake. But it was about more than just baking this cake that is said to last forever. 

A publication recently came across my desk with a quote from Dr. James Dobson. He said, "A heritage is what you give to someone, a legacy is what you do in someone." To some, this may just be fruitcake. To me, this is part of Mrs. Torbert. This is sharing in something that has been part of her life for many years. Have I told you she is 91? Have I told you she was a chemist before retiring? Did you know she has had foxes in her backyard? She also knits some of the most beautiful sweaters and booties I've ever seen. Her stories and life fascinate me. To be able to carry on a little bit of her life is part of continuing her legacy. I don't know what my legacy will be. I don't know what I will be used to do in others. But, whether it's big or small, I hope and pray it makes a difference. What about you? Life on this earth is short. How are you investing in those who will come behind you?

Kidnapping a Massage Therapist

Confession: I spent way too much time contemplating how I might be able to take a massage therapist home with me today.

Marc. The massage therapist. The man who was able to relieve neck pain and a nagging tension headache in ways Aleve can only dream about. My hero of the day. I want to bring him back to Louisiana with me but I don't think he'll come willingly. What's a girl to do? If I kidnapped him, I could plead stress and anxiety, right? I mean, I watch Law and Order. People get away with more all the time! Surely a judge would understand my dilemma! 

OK, so maybe not. But it would be nice to have that kind of pampering and luxury at my disposal! If you could have a luxury at your fingertips, what would you choose? I'd love to hear about it! 

Does Anyone REALLY Like Change?

Confession: I know change is inevitable. It's often not so much the change I dislike, but the adjustments and unknown that come with it...especially if it includes saying "Goodbye" in any form.

There is some big change coming in my life. When I began working at Pineville Park nearly four years ago, I never dreamed my tenure would last longer than my pastor's. He planned to retire at PPBC...I never made that commitment. I've never been in a church for longer than 3 and a half years so to promise 20-plus was a bit much for my taste. In Steve (and Kimberly), I've seen another person live out "God's ways are not my ways." My pastor, my boss, my friend, my mentor, and so much more has experienced God changing the plans he and his wife had for their lives...again. For the many years I have known Steve and Kimberly, I have seen their lives change and grow in many ways. They have displayed incredible obedience and faith when God has called them to change careers, move to a new position in a new church at a pivotal time in the lives of their children, and adding two more children to their family, changing all of their lives forever...all of this because God led them to do it. And now, God calls again. And again, it brings change. And again, it's hard...for many people. But, again, it's going to be good because it is how GOD has planned and led them. As sad as I am about saying goodbye to my friends (and honestly don't really like that it's happening), I have great peace in what the future holds for all of us because this is God's plan for them and for PPBC today.

There is an old hymn that has been on my mind during all of this. The lyrics are:

God moves in a mysterious way

His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.

Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill,
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sov’reign will. 

Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head. 

Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.

His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flow’r. 

Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.

I find such encouragement and reminders of God's hand at work in these words. The first verse reminds me that He is in control. The winds and waves obey Him and all things move under His control. In verse two, I am reminded that God sovereign and at work. It is Him we follow, not a person. In verse three, we see that fear is a natural response, but we can have courage knowing that what we dread will bring about great blessings when we are obedient. Verse four reminds me that I don't have the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom to fully understand what He is doing but I must trust and have faith in His wisdom rather than my own. The fifth verse speaks what I have felt often about this change...the bud has a bitter taste. It has left me sad, uncertain, and nervous. BUT, the flower, the outcome of this, is going to be sweet because it is God's plans we are following, not our own. Finally, verse six reminds us that God will one day make plain why He has worked in the ways He has. Though it may not be this side of heaven that I see His reasons and purposes, nothing is in vain and He is going to reveal all of that one day. And I will choose to trust Him...not myself or any other human. Can we promise to do this together?

The Hardest Confession

Confession: My absolute deepest heart’s desire is to be a wife and mom. While this isn’t a secret, you will rarely hear me express and own the depth of this desire.  Time and waiting do not ease the want or pain. This leads to my greatest question: What's wrong with me?

As you may know about me or have possibly read here, I am a planner. I rarely do anything without some level of planning and attention to details necessary for success. Knowing this, it should come as no surprise to anyone that I have had my life planned out for a long time. I was going to meet my husband in college and marry shortly after graduating {though my dad would probably say the first plan should have been getting out of college quicker}, teach for a couple of years, and then we were going to begin our family. We would have 4-5 kids, all boys, and I was going to be a stay at home soccer mom who drove a Suburban and volunteered at their schools. That was MY plan and it was going to be a great little life for my big family. I giggle a little as I write this, thinking of Proverbs 19:21(NIV), which reads, “Many are the plans in a man’s {or single woman’s} heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” God’s purpose has certainly prevailed and it has been nothing like my plans! I am 38, single, and childless. 

Don’t get me wrong, I have a great life that I love! I don’t sit at home waiting for some man to show up at my doorstep with a white horse and glass slipper. I strive to invest my life in my family, my ministry, my community, my friends, and the kids God has placed in my life, even if they aren’t my own. While I do feel content, I also live with this never ending feeling that something is missing, there is a bit of a hole waiting to be filled. I also battle the same question regularly: What is wrong with me? With each failed date and relationship, it gets a little louder. With each man that asks me how a woman is still single, it gets a little louder. With each sweet smelling infant I hold, it gets a little louder. With each toe that makes contact with the cold sheets on the other side of the bed, it gets a little louder. When the question gets too loud, it begins to demand an answer and my need to shut it up grows stronger. My answers range anywhere from “too fat,” to “not pretty enough,” to “too rigid,” to “too loud and overbearing,” to “not a good enough housekeeper,” to “not spiritual enough” to a thousand other places in between. While I know I must choose to believe there is nothing wrong with me rather than these lies and then replace the lies with Truth, there is something in me that needs a concrete answer. Because if I know what’s wrong, then I can make plans to fix it, right?!? And then I read this article and found the answer.

Do you want to know what’s wrong with me? Do you want to know why I’m not married? It’s because I refuse to settle. You see, if I dig just a little deeper in my heart’s desire, there is one desire that just barely edges out my desire to be married and have children. That desire is my desire, my need, my urgency to follow God and be obedient to what His plans are. Today, that includes singleness. Is it lonely some days? Yes. Do I enjoy the quiet solitude other days? Yes. Do I want a family some days? Oh yes. Do I enjoy my freedom other days? Oh yes. We all have days where the grass seems like it would be greener on the side. But each side has its share of dry spots. The places that are greenest and healthiest are the ones that are nourished and tended. While I’m on this side of the fence, I will choose to live my life as best I can. I will hold on to my desire for a husband and children one day but if that means I must settle to have it, forget it. Because is settling is what’s wrong, I don’t want to be right.

My Day in Maximum Security, Part 2

Confession: I recently spent a day “in” prison. It was exactly and nothing like I expected.

Note: This is the second half of this post. If you haven't read the first, I recommend you do so for the background. I have also changed the names of the people I met.

Lesson 3: My past doesn’t define me.

The first inmate I met that day was “Susan.” She had a big smile and beautiful bright eyes. As we stood in the chapel, it was easy to feel like we were standing in a regular chapel on any campground and Susan was a campground employee. But we weren’t and she isn’t. For me, the things that set her apart and provided a common ground between us was the New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary t-shirt she was wearing. As we talked, there was no discussion of her crime or the amount of time she would spend in prison. Instead, there was a bond as we talked about the difficult load of work require to obtain a seminary degree and the excitement associated with how God will use that to minister to others. Her struggles were with the amount of work required, not how she felt unable or unworthy of this ministry because of her past choices. I can only believe that at some point she dealt with whatever brought her to prison. She accepted the consequences and moved on. She planned to allow her experiences to be something that she used to relate and minister to other women rather than prevent her from doing this.

In my own life I try not to have regrets. I have made some poor choices but strive to accept responsibility for those and deal with the consequences. However, there are a very few things that I would say I regret. They were deliberate choices I made, knowing they were wrong. There is absolutely no way to excuse or talk them away. When I allow it, these regrets change the way I see myself. The guilt overwhelms. The enemy says I am a failure as a Christian and as a minister. The thoughts in my head feed me lies when the regrets dominate. Do you have some of these? Are there things you wish you either hadn’t done or had done differently? As my sweet Daddy would say, “It is what it is.” The past is done and can’t be changed. The question becomes “How can God use this?” rather than “Why would God use me?” The reality at the end of the day is that God uses these thing to reach others and bring glory to Himself. Will we let go of the regrets, accept His forgiveness, and allow Him to use us today? I want to. I SO want to. 

Lesson 4: The same amount of Jesus’ blood was needed to atone for my sins as the sins of the most hardened criminal…all of it.

In the building that housed the inmates in lockdown, there were 4 wings. One of the wings housed the death row inmates. I think there were two but I only heard about one of them. She is a former police officer convicted on three counts of first degree murder. Though not convicted, there is also speculation that she murdered and buried her own father under her house, among a list of other illegal and questionable behaviors. I can’t even imagine the life she has lived. She sinned. She sinned BIG.

The problem I often fail to acknowledge is that I have also, even if I haven’t murdered anyone. I strongly believe there is a tendency among Christians to place a value system of sorts on sin. As long as I’m not a murderer, homosexual, an adulterer, or a child abuser then I am really ok. This thinking leads to pride and a failure to see the reality of our own sin. The biblical reality is that God sees all sin the same. Though the earthly consequences for gossip may be different than those for murder, they both separate us from God. There isn’t a chart that God refers to in order to determine how much of the blood of Christ a particular sin requires. For us to receive forgiveness of our sins and have a relationship with Christ, He had to shed all of His blood, regardless of what a person’s sins may be. If we own this reality, it would change the way we see people. It would change the way we respond to those “big sinners”…but we’ll address that more later.

I don’t know where you’ve been or what your past holds. I don’t know your list of sins or where you are in a relationship with God. What I do know is this: the past doesn’t define you. It can shape you if you allow it but you don’t have to be stuck in it. God wants to use you and your experiences. That requires you realizing that He gave His blood for you…all of His blood. None of us are good enough on our own. I’m so thankful that God has made this relationship possible. If you haven’t already, will you place your faith in Him and experience the blood His forgiveness gives?

Do you want to talk more about this? You know where to find me...check out the contact section over there on the right.

My Day in Maximum Security, Part 1

Confession: I recently spent a day “in” prison. It was exactly and nothing like I expected.

Note: There is way too much to share for this to be a post people will actually read in one sitting. I hope you’ll indulge me to write posts 2 days in a row to get it all in. I have also changed the names of the people I met.

I went to prison last week. I spent the day in a maximum security facility for women. Maybe I should clarify in case you’re wondering what’s going on…though I’m pretty sure you didn’t assume I was there as an inmate. I went as part of a team that holds a revival at this prison every year. The weekend begins with each woman receiving a box of personal hygiene items provided by churches across the state. Though the items are basic things you and I probably always have on hand, for some of these women they were a luxury. It was a privilege to see the faces of the women who receive the boxes. But it’s really easy to participate in things like this and become very pious…to walk away reminded of how “blessed” or “fortunate” we are and how we “shouldn’t take things for granted.” Don’t get me wrong, that is a true statement. God has indeed blessed me and I need to be thankful for the life I have. But that wasn’t one of the lessons I took away from that day. Though I didn’t have many one on one conversations with inmates, I had a few and there was something to be learned from each of them.

Lesson 1: It is quite possible that I watch way too many episodes of Lock Down, Lock Up, Scared Straight, and Snapped.

My name is Alanna and I am a true crime/crime drama junkie. There. I admit it. This habit is why I say the day was everything and nothing I expected. All that I expected my experience to be was based on these shows. So, I expected at least some of the women to be scary and intimidating. I expected cells with bars. I expected people who looked nothing like me. What I found was women of all ages, some who looked so young as well as some with walkers or in wheelchairs. I found women with well-kept hair and make-up. There were wives and mothers. They were people just like me, though something landed them here, in confinement. But, as we also must do, they were living in the reality of their daily lives. Wherever we are, we have choices and we make choices. Sometimes they lead us to where we need to be, sometimes they lead us places we never should have gone. In reality, at my core, I’m no different than many of the women there. I hate to break it to you but neither are you.

Lesson 2: The choices and decisions we make today will determine the life we live tomorrow. 

After distributing the boxes to the ladies in the general population, I was able to go with a group to the lockdown unit. This is where they house those who are under mental health observation or 90 day administrative segregation, along with the death row inmates. They are in a facility with no air conditioning and only 1 hour a day out of confinement.
As we were handing out boxes, I came to the cell of “Jackie.” I said hello and she asked if I would pray for her. Of course, I did. When I asked her what I could pray for, she asked me to pray that she would be able to get herself together so she could get out of there. She told me that she has a 1 year old that is currently in foster care and she wants to be able to have her back in her care. For Jackie, getting out of “there” first means getting out of administrative segregation. She’s there for bad behavior and defiance. She’s there because of her choices. With each behavior report she gets in there, her 90 days begins again. Each time her 90 days begins again, she’s one step back from general population…and ultimately one step further back from seeing her daughter.
 

Let’s be honest, you don’t have to be in prison to experience this same struggle. With each negative thought I choose to entertain, I’m one step closer to negative words. With each fatty snack I choose to put in my mouth, I’m one step further from the weight and health I’d like to experience. With each dollar I choose to spend unwisely, I’m one step closer to debt. Though the behaviors may be different, they all stem from something I choose….something you choose. May we choose wisely today in order to live the life God desires for us tomorrow.

Join me tomorrow for lessons 3 and 4 from my day in maximum security.