Confession: I recently spent a day “in” prison. It was
exactly and nothing like I expected.
Note: This is the second half of this post. If you haven't read the first, I recommend you do so for the background. I have also changed the names of the people I met.
Lesson 3: My past doesn’t define me.
The first inmate I met that day was “Susan.” She had a big smile and
beautiful bright eyes. As we stood in the chapel, it was easy to feel like we
were standing in a regular chapel on any campground and Susan was a campground
employee. But we weren’t and she isn’t. For me, the things that set her apart
and provided a common ground between us was the New Orleans Baptist Theological
Seminary t-shirt she was wearing. As we talked, there was no discussion of her
crime or the amount of time she would spend in prison. Instead, there was a
bond as we talked about the difficult load of work require to obtain a seminary
degree and the excitement associated with how God will use that to minister to
others. Her struggles were with the amount of work required, not how she felt
unable or unworthy of this ministry because of her past choices. I can only
believe that at some point she dealt with whatever brought her to prison.
She accepted the consequences and moved on. She planned to allow her experiences to be something that she used to relate and
minister to other women rather than prevent her from doing this.
In my own life I try not to have regrets. I have made some poor choices but
strive to accept responsibility for those and deal with the consequences.
However, there are a very few things that I would say I regret. They were
deliberate choices I made, knowing they were wrong. There is absolutely no way
to excuse or talk them away. When I allow it, these regrets change the way I
see myself. The guilt overwhelms. The enemy says I am a failure as a Christian
and as a minister. The thoughts in my head feed me lies when the regrets
dominate. Do you have some of these? Are there things you wish you either hadn’t
done or had done differently? As my sweet Daddy would say, “It is what it is.”
The past is done and can’t be changed. The question becomes “How can God use
this?” rather than “Why would God use me?” The reality at the end of the day is
that God uses these thing to reach others and bring glory to Himself. Will we
let go of the regrets, accept His forgiveness, and allow Him to use us today? I
want to. I SO want to.
Lesson 4: The same amount of Jesus’ blood was needed to
atone for my sins as the sins of the most hardened criminal…all of it.
In the building that housed the inmates in lockdown, there
were 4 wings. One of the wings housed the death row inmates. I think there were
two but I only heard about one of them. She is a former police officer
convicted on three counts of first degree murder. Though not convicted, there
is also speculation that she murdered and buried her own father under her
house, among a list of other illegal and questionable behaviors. I can’t even
imagine the life she has lived. She sinned. She sinned BIG.
The problem I often fail to acknowledge is that I have also,
even if I haven’t murdered anyone. I strongly believe there is a tendency among
Christians to place a value system of sorts on sin. As long as I’m not a
murderer, homosexual, an adulterer, or a child abuser then I am really ok. This
thinking leads to pride and a failure to see the reality of our own sin. The
biblical reality is that God sees all sin the same. Though the earthly consequences
for gossip may be different than those for murder, they both separate us from
God. There isn’t a chart that God refers to in order to determine how much of
the blood of Christ a particular sin requires. For us to receive forgiveness of
our sins and have a relationship with Christ, He had to shed all of His blood,
regardless of what a person’s sins may be. If we own this reality, it would
change the way we see people. It would change the way we respond to those “big
sinners”…but we’ll address that more later.
I don’t know where you’ve been or what your past holds. I
don’t know your list of sins or where you are in a relationship with God. What I
do know is this: the past doesn’t define you. It can shape you if you allow it
but you don’t have to be stuck in it. God wants to use you and your
experiences. That requires you realizing that He gave His blood for you…all of
His blood. None of us are good enough on our own. I’m so thankful that God has
made this relationship possible. If you haven’t already, will you place your
faith in Him and experience the blood His forgiveness gives?
Do you want to talk more about this? You know where to find me...check out the contact section over there on the right.
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